Father Time and Other Ridiculous Things

Hey guys.

Hope everyone had an excellent Thanksgiving! I sure did. Got to hang with my family on LBI (their house was shockingly fine after Superstorm Sandy-Is-A-Jerk) and saw a lot of friends. I also had my five year reunion on Friday night, which was kind of strange but mostly a lot of fun. It’s been a pretty great weekend, actually.

Which makes it harder to think about going to work today. Le sigh. I had a day off yesterday! A whole day! It spoiled me, readers. How can I go back?

So I don’t know where this came from, but I wrote a very silly poem. The crux of it is that Father Time overslept. It’s… I don’t even know. Silliness. Pure silliness.

And puns.

Father Time

Once, after a long summer and a few too many draughts

of harvest ale,

Father Time overslept.

While he ignored his massive

grandfather alarm clock,

the world’s population stood frozen

impatiently checking their watches and muttering to each other

“whatever could have happened?” and

“he’s always been such a reliable employee.”


He only woke when time flew into his bedroom

and nipped him on the ear



the third bite was charmed.

Father Time woke to see Baby New Year

glaring and tapping his plump little wrist

from the end of the bed.


Father Time used a number of words that cannot be repeated.

They all had four letters.

Some of them were learned in France.


Afterwards time had to be hastened to make up for when it lost itself.

Leaves fell overnight and animals dropped into hibernation where they stood.

Thanksgiving and Christmas ran into each other, so that

people were eating turkey legs

while they shopped for presents.

No Christmas trees had been cut down. Instead,

on cold evenings across the world, people stumbled into the woods

lit a single candle

and opened their presents in the snow.

This of course was very messy and that year squirrels and birds had nests made of

wrapping paper and tinsel.


Poor Father Time never heard the end of his slip up.

Years later, he was still getting

alarm clocks and

roosters for his birthday.

He took them and slid them in his voluminous sleeves;

expression grave, as ever, but the slight blush

on the edge of his cheeks gave his embarrassment away.


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